Almost two months now.

Unquestionably it was the right decision. I feel happier, more free, almost elated sometimes with the options/opportunities out there. I'm re-thinking graduate school, I'm open again to moving elsewhere, and I'm closer to grasping that ever elusive concept of "knowing what I want". I see friends more, I work out more, I'm camping/hiking/climbing more, and I'm even almost ready to start meeting this first batch of online characters that I've been messaging.

Crazy how expectations can change so suddenly and permanently when you finally accept the truth.

I still miss him though. I miss the flowers, the smiles, the playful glances, the cuddles, the chivalry. The constant shopping even though it drove me crazy. The music that I never liked. Mostly the companionship - that we were in this together, and the mutual understanding of each other's needs. Stuff that I can see after 50 years completely shattering me, though it hasn't happened yet.